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Portfolio Link :https://rubensnewportfolio.blogspot.com
Introduction
Introduction to a Future Med Student My name is Ruben Delacruz and my major is Biochemistry. The most exciting things about my major is that I feel like I will have the opportunity to utilize all the courses that I have taken here at OU in my future occupation. My favorite course last semester was Genetics with Dr. Durica, I really enjoyed myself and I am considering doing some research in that field and my biggest accomplishment last semester was doing well on my MCAT exam. Over the summer, I went to Destin with my family during a short summer intermission I had from Biochemistry with Dr. Najar. Despite the ill preparation for the humidity, it went really well. Furthermore, anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with the TV series ‘How I Met Your Mother.’ I practically watch it every day. Moreover, I am very eclectic with my music choices. I play guitar, piano and have composed two albums. In fact, while I love Biology, music is my life’s first passion. Also, I
Hi Bruce,
ReplyDeleteIt was great reading your story, you did a really good job. For the layout of your webpage, I think there is some room for improvement. It is lacking that professional look and seems a bit scattered and thrown together. But that's okay, we can all improve on things! I really liked your story. Bruce is a beast and obviously really cool. The first person perspective was a great idea and it was really fun to read. I also liked that the perspective was from an animal and not a person, that is a great idea. It was also nice to see what Bruce looked like at the end of the page. I like the cocky attitude of Bruce, it's really funny to read. This is actually the first funny story I have read, so thank you for that. Looks like your off to a great start to your project, and I will definitely be back to your webpage to read more funny stories!
Brooks
Hi Bruce!
ReplyDeleteMuch like Brooks, I think you could add a lot to your main page. As it is right now, there just isn't much to draw a reader in and the site is a bit hard to navigate. I know that you have a "Coming Soon" place holder, but I was suggest giving the main page a title or header that will tell the reader exactly what your project is going to be about and what they can expect. I would also suggest a different way to navigate the site. The only way I can get to your story is by clicking on it from the main page. When you add a few more stories, that will end up becoming tedious. Clicking on the three lines in the top left opens a menu, but there is nothing in it. I'm sure that should be a shortcut to your stories, but I'm not sure what you would need to do to get it to work properly.
You did a good job on your story. There are a few typos, but that happens to all of us. I like that everyone in the story seemed to learn a lesson. I'm looking forward to seeing the progression of your project throughout the semester. Good luck!
Hey Ruben- it looks like everyone thinks your name is actually Bruce, which is pretty hilarious. I do remember reading this story earlier in the semester, but it looks like you've done some work on it. First of all, you might consider making paragraphs. Your writing flows together nicely, but using paragraphs gives the page a more flowy feel, and opens up the page. We've all read pages that just were totally dense with writing. It blows. Next I would include a little more media. I know the requirement is only one image, but its not hard to through in a couple of fun images. This also makes your page look bigger, and gives the readers something to look at other than just words. I like how Bruce has accepted his role as a Hyena. I think that actually carries a lot of Hindi wisdom within it. Accepting one's true nature is a big step to enlightenment. Also, I notice you're lacking a title. Giving a title might be a good way to convey what you think is the most important flavor of the story. Overall, good job on the writing, and I look forward to reading more from you over the semester.
ReplyDeleteHey Ruben!
ReplyDeleteHaha, I love the way that you transformed this story into your own, it's quite comical. I also really love the personality that you give Bruce. He really fits his actions based on your descriptions, and your first person narrative makes the descriptions stronger. I enjoyed the part where the rabbit getting hit in the head with a coconut causes all of the rabbits to scatter and freak out. You provided great content, I just have a few suggestions to make layout wise. My major suggestion is to format your story into paragraph form. It would really help the reader's understanding of the story, as well as make it easier to read in general. Also, I realize that the main page isn't complete yet so you know you're missing a great cover page. So, basically just finishing that out will help the looks and layout tremendously!
Great job!
Hi, Ruben.
ReplyDeleteI like your description of cool Bruce and the way that you are talking in his perspective. I am also doing the similar thing with my project. You can improve your website by change some basic layout options. I was kind of confused when I first saw your storybook. No worries. This happened to my own storybook too. I am not too great at technology and I do not like to deal with it. For your layout, I think you can add a navigation sidebar on your page. This will be so much easier for the readers to find your stories. On your cover page, you should change “coming soon” to a description of the project that you’re doing. As for the title “Story”, you can change it to “Introduction” or something like that. So the readers will know that they can find the description of Bruce and an overview of the stories that you are going to tell.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your story!
Hi, Ruben! I have a few suggestions for your portfolio project. First of all, I would look around at some other projects to get an idea of the layout. Ms. Gibbs had to email me like three times before I FINALLY got the setup correct. I would go back through the setup instructions super carefully and compare your project to others as you make your corrections. Also, I suggest changing the title of the story about the hyena. "Story" doesn't tell us anything about what we may read, and it doesn't grab the reader's attention. Also, since there will be more than one story here, it doesn't make too much sense for the title. Finally, I would definitely break this into several smaller paragraphs. It is really easy to get lost in this format. The general rule is one topic per paragraph. If you change speakers, give each one a new paragraph. I hope these comments help. Good luck in the course.
ReplyDeleteHey Ruben!
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you have a pretty good direction for where your project is going. I thought your story about Bruce was pretty good! I liked the descriptions and overall storyline. I did notice a couple grammar and spelling mistakes but those are easy. I thought that it ended a little abruptly. Maybe you could elaborate a little more on the lesson that Bruce learned. As for your project as a whole, I thought it was just missing a few elements. I didn’t know if you just haven’t gotten to those yet or something! But, I think it would be really helpful if you maybe put a little more information on your home page about what your portfolio is about. It was just a little confusing at first because it just seemed al little barren. But, I liked your writing and I am excited to see what you will come up with next!
Hey Ruben! Pretty good Portfolio so far! As far as the design of the site goes, I think there are somethings you could do to improve it. It is kind of bland looking with just the white background so maybe add some color. Also it looks a little bit thrown together and is missing the professional design that I've seen in a lot of other peoples sites. The story about Bruce was a great read. I liked that you did a first person perspective from and animal, that is really creative. I also really like how you made the story a little bit funny. Almost every post I've read has had the same serious tone and it was a relief to finally get a chuckle in. I did notice one or two spelling and grammar mistakes but nothing horrible, maybe just read through and make a few corrections. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteWow, I though this was a really cool story. My favorite part of “Bruce the Hyena” would have to be how you included the lesson of greed into your story. I also really liked your image and introduction. The introduction immediately caught my attention. I also liked that the image was at the end of the story. I did wonder about the rabbits more. I feel like a little bit of dialogue between the rabbits would have been a great touch. Other than that, I thought the story was so much fun to read. I’m glad you included how you like to study ecosystems in an unique way into your story. The layout of your portfolio was also very simple, which I appreciate. I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future. I also hope you include your passion for ecosystems in future stories, as well! Good luck.
ReplyDeleteHey there Ruben!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I would seriously consider touching up on the layout of your story. I felt like the home page was quite lacking. I would suggest that you use the home page to provide some background to the reader on what your writings will be about and what inspired you to write them. You should definitely put some cool imagery on there too to capture our attention when we enter your website. Even if you can write a really good story, a poor layout will really dampen the reader's experience. On the other hand, your story was very good and I really liked the funny image you had at the end. I loved the first person perspective you gave. If I were to give any advice at all for your writing it would be to give a little more detail of the thoughts and feelings of your character. This is especially powerful in a first person perspective! You are a great writer, your blog just needs a little TLC. Great job!
Hi Ruben! First off, I think your choice of thematic material and subject was very creative. Looking at your home page, however, I felt like you could have done more aesthetic touch-ups - perhaps by adding some more visuals or colors. I really enjoyed reading your story, however! I thought the way you depicting Bruce and the other animals was very clear, and it depicted the message of the story well. However, like many of the others have said, I would recommend touching up the layout of the story. I think adding more visuals and simply spacing out the paragraphs more so that the reader is able to more easily follow along would make the story much more effective. Perhaps even going into more vivid detail into the first-person thoughts and emotions of Bruce could help - using literary devices like metaphors can really help with that! Overall, good work, and I hope to read more of your blog in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi Ruben!
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job with the story, Bruce The Hyena. It was really creative to add a completely new twist to the story. Especially the part about greedy Hyena. It was cool that you incorporated two lessons into one story. I have few suggestions to make it even better as to fix the grammar. Just look through your story one more time and also read it out loud then you will be able to catch the mistakes easily. Also, maybe space out the story because currently it looks a little crunched up. I also agree with everyone to add extra imagery to the site. I think it will definitely help your project look more alive instead of blend. It looks similar to the blog so change up the background and add more pictures so it will look more like a project. Overall, I think the context was great, but it just needs a few touch up. I hope to read more stories from you! Good luck with the rest of the project!
Hi Ruben
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story, Bruce the Hyena. One thing that did immediately strike me was the layout of the website. I think that you could rework it a little bit so it is a little more clean. Right now you just have it posted on blogger. I would suggest that you change it up to one of the other site options that was listed. Also the text that you have for the actual story is different than the author's note. I am not sure if this is intentional, but I think it would serve you better if it was all the same.
The story material was really good. I liked how you took the role of the Bruce and gave us a little insight into his daily interactions with hunting and food. After you touch up these points I think you will have a really stellar project.
Hi Ruben!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your portfolio. I think I read the first story in your portfolio in on your blog awhile ago in its rough form and really enjoyed it then. I thought it was a really interesting twist on one of the jatakas, and I always like taking one story and using it to form the background of your own story. I liked that you had Bruce acknowledge that he was probably damaging the the hyenas reputation by leaning into the stereotype that all Hyenas are greedy but he didn't really care as long as he got some food. I think it might be cool to add a couple lines from Bruce about other hyenas he knows that aren't like that at all and would have never broken their deal with the monkeys. I would also potentially match your story font to your author's note font. Overall, great job and I look forward to reading more!
-Elizabeth
Hi Bruce!
ReplyDeleteI liked reading your portfolio stories. They were both very different from each other, which I think adds a really nice dimension to the portfolio. Also, they were both fun! The story about Bruce the hyena was a really creative take on the jataka. I like the way you basically made the point that, although everyone feels like the star of their own story, in others' stories they are a bit player at best. The story was also really funny. I also read your story about Pandu's sons, and it was a nice variation on the Pandava's story. The humor that you introduced, making fun of Pandu's son's height was great! It made the story kind of more relatable. Really good job on both of these stories!
Hey Ruben! I (like Matthew said earlier) also think it's hilarious how half the people here are calling you Bruce because of your story! Hahhaha. Anyway, I love the story Bruce the Hyena because it gave us a backstory as to how the coconut fell onto the rabbit's head and what started the whole commotion about the world ending. It's funny to see it from an outside perspective and what prompted the coconut to fall. I also like Pandu's Son and His Cousin's Rivalry because you made them mortal and had them use regular weapons instead of their usual divine powers. I like the morals/themes of both stories! I have a suggestion for your portfolio, though; maybe just have the titles as "Bruce the Hyena" and "Pandu's Son and His Cousin's Rivalry" instead of including "Portfolio Story" or "Story Week 11" at the beginning. Other than that, I thought your project was really great and your stories were original and thoughtful! Can't wait to see the finished portfolio :)
ReplyDeleteRuben, I had read your story about the hyena previously, so today I read Pandu's Son and His Cousin's Chivalry. I would recommend not starting with "this story begins," and instead simply jumping into the action of your tale. It was good that you wanted to summarize the events surrounding Pandu and his sons' fight for the throne. Throughout the piece and in the introduction especially, however, I suggest experimenting with sentence length. Right now, all of your sentences are about the same short length, which can give the story a choppy feeling. It might be good to go back and read your story out loud as this will probably allow you to hear any places that do not flow so well. Overall, the story's events flowed well, though. I would rethink the title of the story, as Pandu has more than one son, so it might be better to state who you mean specifically. Good job on this!
ReplyDeleteHi Ruben,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the story of Pandu's Five Tall Sons, so I'm glad you decided to retell this story in your own way. I like that you used a bit of humor in your story, and I think you did a good job of adding your own twist to it. You also did a great job in adding dialogue for the characters. I do think it would have been interesting if, instead of Pandu's oldest son getting the throne after cutting up the piece of paper in front of the king's oldest son, it led to the war that took place, but I understand that would have probably pushed the limit of your word count.
I did notice a few typos throughout your story, such as "throe,"which I assume should be throne in the very last sentence, but a quick read through should help clean all of that up.
Overall, I think you have done a great job at editing your stories and getting them to where you want them to be, and I hope you are able to add one more story to your portfolio before the end of the semester.
You have done a great job so far!